A little heart to heart
by galadriel17
Summary: GojyoxHakkai. Gojyo finds out what home really is, him & Hakkai talk about books, Hakkai’s legs, & leaving. Hakkai’s emotions get a little 'out of hand', & Gojyo’s lost. Full Circle
1. Default Chapter

This sucks. It's not something I can help because I tried, but you have been warned. Also I can't make titles for the life of me, so be nice & forgive me? Italics are thoughts.

* * *

Hakkai's eyes darted across the pages of the book laid out in his lap. His delicate features knit with concentration.

'_I wonder what it is this time,_' Gojyo wondered to himself. '_Ancient wars, a novel, maybe even something that he'll want to share with his students if we ever get back home_.'

It took Gojyo a minute to realize what he had just thought. '_That small shack, what the hell was I thinking. I don't have any fond memories of that place._'

Gojyo remembered that before Hakkai had come to live with him, he would always bring women home. He also remembered how stupid he felt waking up in the morning with a beautiful bombshell beside him & wishing that he had went to her place…so that he could leave quietly before she woke up in the morning.

'_Then they usually expect you to call them,_' Gojyo thought with a shiver.

No, Gojyo didn't have any particularly good memories of the place he called home. The house could burn down & the only thing it would mean is that he would have to find another place for him & Hakkai to stay…Hakkai…he had fond memories of him.

'_Like I would ever admit it out loud._'

He would wake up in the morning to the smell of homemade cooking & fresh coffee. While Gojyo used to have the small house floor lined with piles of dirty clothes, when Hakkai moved in everything went into its proper place, & laundry was dealt with by him. And Gojyo could still remember those mornings when he came home drunk, when he woke up there would be water & aspirin waiting by his bedside. And a pleasant smile when he finally forced himself to get out of bed.

If there was anything that Gojyo could call home….he supposed it would be Hakkai himself.

'_What a weird thing to realize,_' Gojyo thought…. '_That my best friend…means more to me than any hot blonde… well he does remember to always take out the trash too…_'

* * *

Asaka's eyes glistened with tears as she held her head down, her hair covering her face…willing her tears to stop with all her strength.

"Why did you leave?" she asked. "Kenji…what if...something would have happened to you?"

Her voice was close to breaking as she screamed " I never would have forgiven myself for letting you go."

She dropped to the floor, her body shaking…tears poring down her face.

"What would I have done without you…?" she whispered.

Kenj slowly walked over to Asaka, & knelled down beside her. Taking her head in his hands, he lifted it up "I'm sorry…I'll never leave your side again. I promise you."

Asaka turned her head away from Kenji…& fresh tears flowed from her eyes.

"Asaka…Asaka…I love you, don't cry….everything will be okay….we'll be okay….you'll see….I'll keep my promise…."

"Kenji...it's okay."

She looked up & her eyes were still full of tears...but there was happiness in her face. And a kind of enlightenment, that Kenji had not seen in her face in a long time. Putting his arms around Asaka, Kenji felt everything else fade away…if only for a little while.

* * *

'_Oh no…the contemplative look..._' Gojyo thought, '_I hate that look._'

Gojyo walked quietly over to Hakkai & peaked over his shoulder, reading the text that Hakkai's attention was consumed by. His eyes were no longer darting all over the page, but focused & unmoving.

"You know" Gojyo said with earnest… "This writing sucks. Why are you reading this shit anyway?"

Hakkai's head snapped up & he adjusted his glasses before closing the book softly & clutching it to his chest.

"You know what would make it better, if Kenji threw Asaka down to the floor & ravaged her…of course all in explicit detail."

"Gojyo"…Hakkai smiled… "You startled me."

"Sometimes it really amazes me how if it's an assassin…you would be able to tell right away. But little old me…" Gojyo shrugged.

"Your presence isn't malicious Gojyo…that's why."

"That's a lackluster answer Hakkai."

"I had hoped you would like it."

"You know what Hakkai…I'm afraid this doesn't work."

"May I ask what doesn't work Gojyo?"

"Well Hakkai, you're not wearing a dress."

Hakkai looked strangely at Gojyo.

"Well…our situation almost sounds like the one in the book…except your not crying, & I'm not going to tell you I love you, & you're not wearing a dress."

Hakkai smiled softly, "no…I'm not."

"But you know…," Gojyo said thoughtfully…"you might look good in a dress…you've got the legs for it."

Hakkai stared at Gojyo…but no words came to mind. Gojyo studied Hakkai's face, gauging his reaction. A small smile & a roll of the eyes told Gojyo that at least Hakkai still had his sense of humor. Laughing he sat down beside his friend.

* * *

Hakkai turned his attention back to the book.

"This book…was give to me by Mrs. Kennedy…do you remember her Gojyo?"

"Do I remember her, how could I not?" Gojyo laughed.

"Beautiful, married, sweet as sugar, mother of that little pip-squeak you taught in school. Yeah…I always thought she liked you Hakkai….maybe a little more than her husband even."

He took a hard look at Hakkai…& came to the conclusion that it would be hard not to like him.

"You have a wild imagination Gojyo, that's all. I have a lot of books, not given to me by 'admirers' but by nice people that thought they would benefit me more than them. Wouldn't you consider it rude if I threw them on an old shelf somewhere & never bothered to read them? Every one of them is interesting in their own way anyway…so it's worth giving them a chance. Some are better written than others. This one" Hakkai said holding it up for Gojyo to see, "wasn't so eloquently written…but…the meaning & feeling behind the words is still there. So, in my opinion the author has done his job."

Gojyo stifled a laugh… 'Hakkai…always taking things too seriously' he thought to himself.

"So..sensei, what's the moral of this lesson?"

Gojyo wasn't sure what he was waiting for…a moral like he would tell the children at school maybe? He does treat him like a kid at times. Or maybe some very serious & sociological bullshit. What he wasn't expecting was Hakkai to say nothing.

"Hakkai…you alright buddy?"

Gojyo said as he tried to get a good look at his face. Hakkai turned to Gojyo, his eyes soft…with some emotion that Gojyo couldn't fathom. He felt like his heart had stopped, looking into those beautiful green eyes…& this time it seemed as if there was no wall between them, no facade, faked emotions or meaningless smiles. Just Hakkai…the true Hakkai, that Gojyo didn't see very often.

"Gojyo" Hakkai muttered softly, & as much as Gojyo wanted to walk away…or crack a joke & pretend like this had never happened…he couldn't.

There had been an unspoken rule between them that some things just didn't need or have to be talked about. If one of them was upset, or needed to talk…they would lend a shoulder to each other. But most of the time, they had avoided talking about things…not wanting to deal with the pain old memories or other heartfelt conversation could bring.

"Gojyo, I know that you had to leave…you had to go after Kami…because if you didn't…I know you wouldn't have been able to face yourself. I understand it was something you had to do…but…a part of me…doesn't understand how you could leave us without even mentioning it. Just pick up & leave…not thinking about how your actions would affect us. Or me…."

"Hakkai…" Gojyo began, "You knew I was leaving."

"Yes I did…but if you remember correctly, you wouldn't room with me that night…you choose to room with Goku…purposefully so that I wouldn't be able to talk to you. I knew that you were leaving, & you knew that I was aware of that…so you avoided me. You didn't want me trying to talk you out of going. What was I supposed to do? Barge into your room & roll Goku out of bed & scream at you? I'm not as dramatic as all that Gojyo…& you understood that. But once you were gone…things weren't the same. I couldn't concentrate…& I certainly couldn't stand sitting in Jeep with Sanzo & Goku. It was…un-natural…empty. It wasn't supposed to be like that I realized…& even though they would have a hard time admitting it, I know Sanzo & Goku felt the same."

Hakkai paused… "And…I hated myself for letting you go after that. For knowing that I could have stopped you."

"But Hakkai" Gojyo started, "You couldn't have stopped me from going after him…no one could."

"Is that it…am I no one to you Gojyo? It would seem that no matter what…if you had someone you cared for enough…& that you felt needed you enough…you would make those sacrifices."

* * *

Author's notes: I know my writing could get (much) better, but to do that it takes lots of practice & helpful hints. If you can provide any insightful comments or suggestions that could help me improve, please do so. Or if you just want to give a small comment, good or bad, that's (greatly) welcome too (especially if it's nice XD). 


	2. Pretending

Beware the cheese! Lol, I don't care for how this turned out. But I hope someone enjoys it.

* * *

_'Why did he have to twist my words like that?_' Gojyo thought despairingly.

'_Surely after everything we've been through, he understands that I care for him. I just…oh shit I'm bad at this kind of stuff._'

Gojyo comprehended as he slumped down slightly resting his chin on his fist.

Pushing the hair out of his eyes & clearing his throat he turned around to take another stab at it, but Hakkai had already gotten up & was heading for the door.

'_Oh no you don't!_' Gojyo scolded in his mind as he quickly ran over and grabbed Hakkai by the wrist, turning him around to face him.

But Hakkai refused to meet his gaze, so Gojyo gently lifted Hakkai's chin so that he could look him in the eye.

What he saw there was unguarded anguish, and the shock of seeing Hakkai like that was enough that he released his hold on his chin, but he unconsciously kept the hold on his wrist.

"Hakkai?" he said worriedly.

Hakkai's eyes had dropped down to the floor, & he responded in a desperate voice, "Gojyo, let me go."

And Gojyo did, because he couldn't help it.

He had seen the look in Hakkai's eyes…and Gojyo had the sudden realization that he would do anything and everything that Hakkai asked when he was like that.

* * *

Sitting down on his bed, Hakkai noticed his hands were shaking.

Clutching the covers, he took a deep breath and lay down.

_'What's wrong with me?_' He wondered as he gazed up at the ceiling.

'_I can usually…control these things but…this time the urge was just too much…even for me to hold back._'

'_…That was a rather…pathetic display wasn't it? Gojyo's just…Gojyo, he's going to do what he wants to do. He probably just thinks I was being too emotional._' Was the last bit of denial that passed through Hakkai's mind before he went to sleep.

* * *

Gojyo awoke to an unpleasant knocking.

"Sanzo said to get your ass outside now or we're leaving without you!" Goku screamed, peeking his head through the door.

Taking a pillow, Gojyo chucked it at Goku's head which….was no longer there.

"Dammit!…I didn't even get to eat breakfast."

Throwing his clothes on & grabbing his lighter he quickly ran outside and looked around…to notice that jeep was nowhere to be found.

A bullet whizzed past his head, & was enough to make him notice that the other three were already driving down the road in the jeep.

His jaw dropped, then his anger swelled, and Gojyo ran as fast as he could.

"You FUCKIN ASSHOLE!" he screamed at the blond haired priest, but Sanzo didn't look very upset about being called names, on the contrary Goku thought to himself '_I haven't seen him look happier in a long time. Must be the joy of torturing Gojyo._'

Later that evening when they stopped for a 'snack' (Tenkai knows even Sanzo can only take so much "I'm hungry" before he gives in…), as Hakkai stretched Gojyo stood in front of him before he could go join the others. Giving him a big smile Hakkai says "I hope you aren't too tired from earlier."

Frowning, & rubbing the back of his head Gojyo waves it off.

"Damn Sanzo…it wasn't exactly how I was expecting to start my day, but…I'm fine now."

"That's pleasing to hear." Hakkai affirms before looking for the soon to be vanished Sanzo & Goku.

"Shouldn't we catch up?"

Falling into step beside Hakkai, Gojyo asks the question he's been longing to ask all day.

"How are you feeling…Hakkai?"

"I'm feeling good, Gojyo. Thank you for asking." He answered with a bright smile.

There was no trace of the Hakkai he had seen last night.

"What about…last night?"

"Did you not sleep well Gojyo?" Hakkai questioned, seemingly clueless.

… '_This is…unbelievable_' Gojyo thought with shock.

"Well for one, you promised you would play cards with me but you didn't."

"I'm sorry, I promise to next time." Hakkai assured him as they stepped into the restaurant & he went to join the others.

Leaning his head against the wall and closing his eyes, Gojyo wondered how things could have got so screwed up.

'_He's acting as if nothing happened._'

* * *

Author's notes: First of all I'd like to thank Gackt for serenading me with his beautiful voice the whole time I wrote this, lol. And just for clarification, the first part of this story was written in December. Yes…it took me that long to upload it. And this was written…March 12th. And it took me that long to think of a way to continue it. And I have no beta-reader…so I'm sure there are a few spelling and grammatical errors in there somewhere. Sorry about that. This should be continued, I'm not sure when but I have a few things in mind. Thanks to those who reviewed, I very much appreciate it. Your words encourage me to keep trying & continue. With that said, I would just like to reinforce that any insightful comments, criticism or suggestions that could help me improve are greatly welcomed as well as any other thoughts or comments. Even a "It was okay" is appreciated XD 


	3. Some things are better left unsaid

'_Just stop thinking about it!_' Gojyo pleaded with himself, but it was no use. His conversation with Hakkai had been haunting him all day long, and he was having trouble concentrating.

'_Why is this bothering me so much! Hakkai obviously isn't taking it too seriously or he wouldn't have acted like it never happened._'

But something in the back of Gojyo's mind screamed, 'You know him better than everyone else. He's trying to ignore it, hoping that if he ignores it long enough…it will go away.'

'_...wait...what will go away?_'

Goku nudged him in the ribs with his elbow, "Why are you being so quiet?"

Annoyed at the break in his train of thought, Gojyo retorted "Why are you even asking, it's not like it's any of your business!"

"Asshole, I try to be considerate and this is the thanks I get? See if I be nice to you again, it was probably perverted anyway."

"Considerate? You've got to be shitting me! You don't even know what considerate means!" Gojyo scoffed as he flicked Goku on the nose with his finger.

"Now, now children, do play nice." Hakkai requested, but his words went unnoticed.

"Oh, now your getting it you filthy water sprite!" Goku challenged, and the two locked hands and butted heads glaring at each other while spitting out insults.

Suddenly the two had a gun shoved in their faces. Sanzo's eyes were irate with furry as he screamed, "Shut the fuck up right now or your getting a one way ticket to hell courtesy of me!"

Two sets of eyes went wide with fear and the two jumped apart quickly.

* * *

"We're getting separate rooms for tonight right?" Gojyo asked.

Taking a drag of his cigarette, Sanzo replied nonchalantly, "yes."

"Fine, I'll see you guys in the morning." he said as he waved goodbye.

Though it was against his better judgment, Hakkai had to ask.

"Where are you going? Didn't you want to play cards?"

"I'm going to find me some company for the evening, cards can wait." he explained with a sly grin.

'I've thought more than is right for me today.' he realized. 'Now I just need to go out and have some fun, and I'll be all better.'

"Oh…" … 'I see' he finished in his head.

As Hakkai watched Gojyo flirt with the local townswomen, he wondered if the redhead would ever find what he's looking for.

The few relationships that Gojyo had when he was younger were the longest & also the most damaging.

His mother especially… 'I guess…really it's no big surprise that he can't trust women. He's afraid of getting hurt so he keeps his emotions far away from them, just offering a physical relationship. He seems to be fine with that… but…but still he deserves better.'

Hakkai muses sadly & offers a slight smile to the others in hopes of appearing normal.

Taking a look out of the corner of his eye, Sanzo could see Gojyo heading out the door with a girl on his arm.

He was grinning at her, & had his arm around her waist. Her facial expression indicated that she was falling for every one of Gojyo's 'sweet nothings.'

Looking over at Hakkai's melancholy smile, he turned his gaze back to the door. Shaking his head, the only thing that came to mind was '_dumbass._'

* * *

Tongue curling around his ear, fingernails digging into his skin, ragged breath; this is what Gojyo lives for.

He know's its empty, but he pushes the thought away because all that matters is the moment.

She caresses the side of his face, & her fingers find the scars from long ago.

She stares at them for a moment, in wonder and it ruins his mood.

'_Never seen a few scars before?_' he thinks angrily.

She leans over to turn the lamp on, and her hand moves to touch the scars but he stops her.

For the first time tonight, he actually takes a long look at her and realizes…she has green eyes.

"Your eyes…they look so fake…so impure compared to his."

And Gojyo thinks it in his head, but he never ever would have thought for a moment that he had said it out loud, but he feels a sharp blow across his cheek and he just knows that there couldn't be anything else.

The next thing he's out on the street, being thrown his shirt and it's raining and he stops and tilts his head up to the sky and just savors the feel of it on his face for a moment because it makes him feel clean.

Then he laughs at the irony of feeling clean after what just occurred.

Up in his room Hakkai is sitting on the windowsill staring out at the rain, because the sound would never allow him to sleep easy.

And though the rain is heavy, he can see a person standing out in the rain, looking up. And even if his eyesight isn't what it used to be, he knows it's him, because he could tell Gojyo's figure anywhere.

And he wonders if Gojyo found what he was looking for.

* * *

He wakes up in the morning with a headache and he dreads the rest of the day.

"You don't look so good." Goku tells him, and Gojyo rolls his eyes.

Goku looks curious and Gojyo sighs deeply and just says "Some things are better left unsaid."

* * *

Author's notes: I actually…kind of like this chapter. More than the last one anyway XD But yeah, I hated to put Gojyo with a woman…gets pelted with tomatoes but I really felt like I needed too for the purpose of this fic so…forgive me? Just know that, they didn't get very far and let that console you. Can you believe I thought up most of this last night while I was lying in bed waiting to go to sleep? I get my ideas at weird times. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far! You really boost my (not so good) confidence and keep me excited about writing. Keep the reviews coming please, and I'll eternally love you XD The next chapter should be up in…less than a week from now. I hope anyway. 


	4. So much for my happy ending

"Hakkai?" Sanzo said while holding up his next to empty carton of cigarettes.

"I would like some more before we head out today."

Turning around, he saw Goku in his usual stop next to Gojyo. That wouldn't do.

"And get Goku a meat bun or two while you're at it" he said in an almost implausible way.

Goku screamed "awesome, thanks Sanzo!" and jumped out of the jeep grabbing Hakkai's arm and ready to pull him off in search of meat buns.

Hakkai looked at Sanzo in disbelief, and was going to ask "are you sure Sanzo?" But Sanzo gave him a "don't push it" look and Hakkai knew better than to question.

"Shall we go Goku?" Hakkai asked, and the two headed off, Goku screaming "meat bun, meat bun" and dancing around.

Staring at Hakkai's retreating form, Gojyo's mind wondered off.

* * *

He had gone in search of some female "companionship" the night before, but all he found were some not so surprising revelations.

'_There are some things that are hard not to notice, Hakkai's eyes are one of those things. But that…that isn't normal. Thinking about how much more beautiful your best friends eyes are than the girl your swapping spit with, isn't normal.'_

But Gojyo knew, had known for quiet some time that this was more than that.

If this was just lust, Gojyo could deal with it.

Hell Gojyo specialized in lust.

It could be his middle name.

Lust wasn't the problem at all.

The problem is Hakkai's intelligence. How was he supposed to not be amazed by it? And his beauty, it wasn't like the cheap immature beauty he was used to seeing, it was real, and pure. And Hakkai was so caring, so gentle by nature. The problem is that he has deeper, more meaningful feelings for Hakkai. And that is one thing Gojyo doesn't know how to deal with.

'_How do you tell...your best friend that you might…'_ and Gojyo stopped himself before he could think it.

'_How do I even know he feels the same?'_

Sure, he had seen the look on Hakkai's face at times. Times like yesterday…he was certain Hakkai didn't approve of his sexual conquests...but not approving and being jealous are completely different things. Sure sometimes Hakkai was especially worried about Gojyo, but he worried about all of them. _'Sure he cares for me. But does he care for me in the same way?'_ Sometimes Hakkai's words and actions made him wonder, but he couldn't be certain...not now...not yet. He also knew that Hakkai would always have feelings for Kanan, and he wasn't sure that Hakkai was ready for another relationship. If he would ever be...

Sighing, he told himself that some things are just too complicated.

* * *

Standing up and taking his gun out of his robes, Sanzo cocks his gun and points it at Gojyo's head.

Gojyo turns back from staring at Hakkai, and finds a gun in his face.

"What the hell's your problem! Get your damn gun out of my face Buddha."

Gojyo was going to attempt to push it aside, but the look in Sanzo's eyes stopped him cold.

"I didn't care to get involved in this, but it seems you leave me no choice. So you better listen and listen good. You are a freakin moron."

Even though Gojyo was used to it by now, his face was bewildered.

"And your moronic actions are doing nothing but making the situation worse. You two are no good to me as you are. You're just like extra baggage, and you know what I do with extra baggage don't you? I discard it. You better fix the shit you've gotten yourself into, because otherwise I don't have any use for two even more emotionally scarred 'companions'."

His mouth open, Gojyo wasn't sure what to say. So he just said what came to mind first.

"What in the hell are you talking about!"

Sanzo gave him a look of annoyance.

"I'm perceptive. Plus, you would have to be an idiot not to see what's going on."

"Goku doesn't know right?" Gojyo asked. "He is an idiot after all."

"I don't know, and I don't care. Just don't give him any ideas okay? Or you're a dead man." And the way Sanzo was glaring at him, Gojyo believed it.

"Of course," he replied dismissingly.

The sound of a squealing monkey told Sanzo of the returning Goku and Hakkai, so he sat back down in the front seat with a few final words for Gojyo.

"If I see you sneaking off to spend the night with a girl again, I'll put a bullet in your ass."

'_There has to be a nicer way to get me to solve my problems than threatening me,'_ Gojyo thought with compliance.

* * *

Many hours, screams, bruises, and bumps later the Sanzo party reached their destination for the night.

Taking a good look at each of them, Sanzo decided he had definitely had enough of them for one day.

"Dismissed, I don't want to see any of your faces until tomorrow morning."

Sanzo went up to his room for some solitude.

Goku proceeded to order almost everything on the menu, once again putting a very large dent in the Sanbutsushin's bank account, & Hakkai sat at the bar quietly reading a book while drinking sake.

Watching his friend for a few minutes, he finally went over and took a seat beside him.

Ordering a drink, he couldn't help but wink at the waitress.

He swore he saw Hakkai flinch slightly at the action.

'_Dammit, I didn't even mean too…it's just second nature to me now.'_

'_Just try to hold a normal conversation, you should be able to do that much.'_

"That last book you were reading? How did it turn out?"

Turning his gaze from his book, Hakkai offered his friend a smile but...it didn't reach his eyes. His beautiful eyes.

"Well, it didn't turn out the way I was expecting. There was no happy ending I'm afraid."

And he was silent for a moment, as if searching for his next words.

"But...maybe its better that they don't all end like that. It isn't...realistic. Things in life don't always end so perfectly. The boy doesn't always get the girl, sometimes she runs off with his best friend."

Hakkai laughed slightly at the thought, but Gojyo didn't.

"Maybe so...but still...it's nice to keep some hope isn't it? To at least believe for a little while that things will work out? Even if...you're not so sure of the outcome." Gojyo asked, and he knew his voice sounded a bit too eager.

"It would be nice...yes. But...sometimes there is no hope, and it's better to face the inevitable than to get your hopes up so high the fall will kill you." And Gojyo had the feeling that they weren't talking about books anymore.

* * *

Author's notes: I just noticed the title of this chapter is part of an Avril Lavigne song. Which is fine, but I wanted to change it since I didn't want it to sound unoriginal but it fitted well with the chapter so I left it.

I had a much more difficult time writing this chapter than the others, even though I already knew mostly was I was going to say. I have certain things, lines and pieces that I've already wrote out for future chapters but I'm not quiet sure how I'll fit them in or when they will show up. On that note, I'm not really too sure how many chapters I have left. At first I thought I could make it in five, and I'm already at four and I don't see that. So it might be six or seven, I have no clue anymore. But I'm having a fun time writing this, and reading the reviews for it so I'm in no rush.

The reviews are very lovely, every time I read one I smile, so thanks again for all the reviews. XD I'm not used to hearing "Next chapter please" or "I hope you update soon" and it makes me feel good to know that people are looking forward to it, so I try to write faster. I know I just ramble on forever don't I? Lol…sorry about that. I just would like to say that if you have nothing better to do, why don't you check out my other story "Complicated." (Which I just realized is another of Avril's titles…-- ) It's only a one shot so it's not being continued, but it really just kind of slipped into the shadows when I posted it so…tell me what you think about it if you get a chance to read it. See all of you soon!


	5. Courtesy of the Merciful Goddess

"It would be nice…yes. But sometimes there is no hope, and it's better to face the inevitable than to get your hopes up so high the fall will kill you." And Gojyo had the feeling they weren't talking about books anymore.

He looked at Hakkai…astonished…almost unable to believe that his friend had such a mentality.

"I…I would never let you fall," Gojyo told him. And he meant it with every bit of his heart.

Hakkai stared back at him thoughtfully and replied "Not intentionally."

'…_No not intentionally. Gojyo…he doesn't understand exactly how I feel about him and…it's better that way. Because…I've already lost one person and I don't want to lose another.'_

Getting up & stretching, Hakkai told him while yawning; "Well I'm awfully tired so…I'm going to bed now Gojyo."

* * *

"You really are a pervert Kenren." A green eyed brunette whispered in his ear and walked away, looking back at him with a slight smile.

He sat down on a desk, his white lab coat draping around him.

There were books everywhere. It's surprising that one could find their way around the cluttered space.

"What's your point? You should be used to it by now," a black haired man replied as he took the cigarette out of his mouth and snubbed it out in the ashtray on the desk.

"Well, I wouldn't be mentioning it…if it wasn't the only thing that you think about." The pretty brunette explained with a grin on his face.

"You've got to be shitting me!" growled the other man as he patted the flask on his hip.

"Did you forget about the importance of rice wine?"

Rolling his eyes the brunette gave no answer.

"Are you ignoring me Tenpou?" he inquired as he got closer.

"Did you say something?" the other smiled, and there was a playful look in his eyes.

Kenren's long legs strode forward and he picked up the other man effortlessly, throwing him over his back and carrying him towards the bedroom.

"Kenren, put me down this minute!" he pleaded as he pounded his fists against the other man's back.

Kenren laughed. "Alright, but you asked for it!" he said and he dropped Tenpou down on the bed and sat on top of his stomach tickling him.

Emerald eyes opened wide and insane laughter came out of his mouth as he tried to push the other man off of him.

"Wait…," Kenren said stopping and a thoughtful look crossed his face, but it was short lived and he continued "Why in the hell am I tickling you?"

Tenpou gave him a confused look.

"When we could be doing something else," he explained with a wink.

A tired look crossed the brunette's face and he sighed, "Kenren not now, I've got several stacks of papers that need to be signed."

Pouting Kenren replied "The papers can damn well wait."

"They need to be signed by tomorrow Kenren," Tenpou tried to explain nicely.

"Well then we'll get up early…and I'll help you."

"…You're not supposed to sign these documents for me." Tenpou stated with uncertainty.

"Do you know how long it will take you to sign all those?"

"…A very long time."

"Correct…and you're tired…so…later." Kenren persuaded as he placed kisses along Tenpou's neck.

"May I ask how this is helping?" Tenpou managed to groan out.

"Well…there will be sleep...later." Kenren explained it as if it made perfect sense.

Raising his head and looking toward his office, Tenpou decided that papers were the least of his worries right now.

* * *

'_What in the hell was that?' _Gojyo wondered for a moment, and then noticed he felt very tired.

'_Man...I've got to stop drinking so much.'_

Opening his eyes, Gojyo was greeted by the sight of Hakkai's face. He was kneeling beside him and had a worried look on his face.

"Are you okay Gojyo?" he asked anxiously.

"I…sure," he assured quickly and with the help of Hakkai he got up to his feet. "I'm sure I probably just had one too many," he explained and he laughed loudly but Hakkai didn't look like he was buying it.

"Look, I'm fine."

Hakkai continued looking at him with concern and he asked nervously "would you like me to stay in your room tonight…to watch over you?"

"No, of course not. I'm fine, go get some rest." Gojyo told him and turned him around pushing him toward the stairs.

Holding his hands up, he followed him.

"See I'm going to bed myself, so no worries."

"Alright then, goodnight" Hakkai said as he opened the room to his door, and took one last look before going inside.

* * *

"Merciful Goddess, do you think this is wise? Should you be interfering like this?"

Gazing at him, the Goddess replied "Come on Jiroushin, don't you think things are more interesting this way? I was getting bored anyway; this should tide me over for awhile. There's no way in heaven I would pass up a chance like this. Besides...don't you think it's about time that these long forgotten memories are resurfaced?"

Jiroushin was sweating nervously as he realized _'For a Merciful Goddess, she sure is selfish.'_

Kanzeon had been admiring her nails but that changed quickly and Jiroushin was getting a mighty angry glare.

'_I wonder how fast I can run.' _

* * *

Author's notes: Hum…well I hope no one is going "OMG, what's wrong with you!" Lol…I wasn't expecting to bring Kenren & Tenpou in this story at all, but I just saw an opportunity so I took it. On that note, I've wanted to write a KenrenxTenpou since I was first introduced to them so I figured this would be my chance. So…this isn't over. There should be more KenrenxTenpou next chapter, hopefully no one minds that. As for Kanzeon, I adore her. She's a very fun character so…I got a tiny bit of her in there too. Review please, you know they make my day XD And tell me what you think about it, either way. See everyone soon. 


	6. The start of a beautiful friendship

Kenren had not meant to beat up his commanding officer.

It wasn't something he had planned, it just…sort of happened.

'_It was his fault for being such a jackass.'_

I mean really, why couldn't the man leave well enough alone?

'_So he doesn't like me, who freakin cares?'_

It would seem the man was fed up with Kenren's behavior and he wasn't going to stand for it anymore.

It wasn't Kenren's fault honestly, anyone who had the gall to make him that angry was asking for a beating.

Kenren could feel his impending doom coming closer by the minute, & he figured _'if I have to go I might as well have some fun first.'_

So he proceeded to go to a local bar and get himself drunk.

While there, he couldn't just ignore all the beautiful women.

To Kenren there was a process in which you picked them out.

First look at the breasts, and then check out the legs.

A pretty face is always nice too, but if they have the other aforementioned traits then…well you can always turn the lights out right?

_"I've heard a lot about you, General Kenren." _

Turning around he noted that she wasn't too bad.

She had long hair, pale skin, and was wearing a short red dress...a rather pleasant surprise indeed.

'_I give her an 8. I mean, I've had better but I've certainly had worse.'_

"Have you really?" he responded back.

Kenren had a feeling he knew this women from somewhere…but he could not quiet place it.

"Yes, though I admit not all of it is good." The look on her face told Kenren she didn't give a damn.

"Well…all I can say about that is some people are jealous," explained Kenren with a grin.

"My husband could learn some things from you I bet. He acts so powerful, but he's pathetically weak. He doesn't know how to treat a lady."

His eyes widening in shock, he remembered. '_This is the Marshals wife!_'

"I've heard you know how to treat a lady," she inquired and Kenren knew by the look in her eyes that she wasn't talking about just how to respect one.

'…_this could be interesting.'_

She leaned over and her perfume and sensuous smile (not to mention her hand now resting on his thigh) was too nice an invitation to pass up.

* * *

'_Caught with my pants down.' _Kenren never would have guessed that the phrase would apply to him, even with his reputation.

So when his commanding officer just happened to walk in on Kenren having sex with his wife, he was a bit startled.

Not startled enough that he couldn't dodge the man's fist and hit back breaking his nose, but still startled.

And that was when Kenren got transferred from Heaven's Western Army, into Heaven's Eastern Army.

* * *

Kenren wasn't expecting much.

Most likely his commanding officer would be some bald, boring old man.

Of course he wouldn't like him, that was a given.

So when he heard that said Marshal was not only a looker, but also an interesting guy, he was a bit skeptical. So he was unbelievably surprised when he found out that it was all true.

Tenpou was indeed an interesting man; he was sharp and definitely eccentric.

But somehow, it just made his personality more endearing.

And it never ceased to amaze Kenren, how Tenpou could smile at his worst enemies and tear them apart with his words at the same time.

He could remember a certain incident…there were rumors going around about the two, saying their relationship was more than 'friendly.'

* * *

Tenpou had gotten tired of the cat calls and the obscene remarks that day. The man was most likely drunk, because otherwise he wouldn't have the courage to do such a thing.

"I've heard that you're sleeping with your general. You seem to have some admirers, I can see why."

The man stumbled forward and reached his hand out searching for Tenpou's face.

Tenpou grabbed his arm quickly, and the man leaned forward unsurely.

Twisting the man's arm he kicked the man's legs out from under him.

"You know what? I would rather you not keep spreading such ludicrous rumors," he said with a bright smile.

Taking a stray bear bottle off the ground, he dropped it on the man's stomach and said happily "don't forget this."

Of course Tenpou wouldn't tell Kenren about this, but Kenren heard about it the next day anyway.

It seems things get around Heaven rather quickly.

* * *

Yep…boy was he wrong to be skeptical. He could still remember that first day clearly, and how different Tenpou was from what he had been expecting.

"Just to get this out of the way, I don't have a wife." Tenpou said as he leaned back on his desk and crossed his arms. There was a sly grin on his face, and he looked pleased with himself.

"That's okay, I'll get over it." Kenren replied with a roll of his eyes.

Tenpou shrugged his shoulders and sat down in his chair grabbing a nearby book. Taking his glasses off he rubbed his eyes tiredly and looked out the window pensively.

Observing the man Kenren thought, _'I have a feeling you wouldn't be too bad yourself.'_

* * *

And that feeling stayed with him, & it grew into something more powerful. Not too bad was an understatement really, because Kenren had become enthralled with Tenpou.

If anyone had told Kenren that he would find a male, that's attire usually consisted of lab coats, and wore glasses sexy, he would have thought they were insane.

But he was intrigued, and attracted to the Marshals wits and his feminine features.

He was still masculine, but not overtly like some men, with bulging muscles everywhere.

Tenpou was slim, but nicely built…and he had a nice ass too.

'_Not that I stare at it or anything…but on the rare occasions that he does wear his army suit it's hard not to notice.'_

* * *

"Tenpou…you need to take a bath."

Tenpou's sleepy face shot up at the words.

Licking his lips and pushing his hair back, he sighed.

"Alright, no need to tell me again."

He answered as he stretched his arms above his head and made his way to the bathroom.

"That's a good girl."

Kenren shouted as he grinned at Tenpou's back.

Tenpou turned around glaring at him before shutting the door loudly and drawing the bath water.

Walking over and putting his head against the door, he could hear Tenpou mumbling with annoyance in his voice.

Walking back, Kenren sat in Tenpou's chair at his desk.

Putting his boots up on his commander's desk he leaned back and closed his eyes.

'_This is…nice,' _he thought and sighed. _'But…it would be a hell of a lot nicer if the rumors were true.'_

Tenpou was not an easy target.

Not in any way, shape or form.

He had seen Tenpou in battle, so he knew better.

But it went beyond that, it went into other aspects of his life.

Tenpou wasn't easily caught.

Tenpou and he had a…nice relationship.

Drinking and smoking together, holding interesting conversations.

Just being able to feel like someone else is at your level, that they can understand you, is nice.

'_But…I would be lying if I said I wouldn't like this to go somewhere else.'_

* * *

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, and he hesitatingly got up to answer the door.

He found a soldier waiting with some documents.

"Sir! I have a very important document that needs to be signed by Marshal Gensui."

'_Damn these guys are annoying.'_

"Your very important document is going to have to wait, Gensui's preoccupied."

"But I was told to come here and right back! Please, could you just get him to sign this then he can go back to whatever he's doing."

Snatching the paper frustratingly, Kenren went to the bathroom door and knocked.

"Hey Tenpou! Your needed out here."

All Kenren heard was silence.

"Oy, Tenpou! Are you asleep in there again?"

Kenren heard noisy splashing accompanied by "What is it?"

"Your needed out here, you have a paper to sign."

"I'm kind of busy here Taishou."

Throwing his hands up, Kenren replied "I know, I know I told him that. Just come out and sign the freakin paper real quick so the guy can leave okay?"

"Fine," Tenpou said wearily.

Leaning against the desk, Kenren waited.

"Taishou…where are my clothes?"

"What!"

"I forgot to get a fresh pair of clothes…"

Shaking his head, Kenren thought _'it's just like him to forget something like that.'_

"So what, just put your old one's back on."

"…I don't want too. First you badger me to take a bath then you want me to put on dirty clothes?"

Opening the door, Tenpou came out in slippers and a towel around his waist.

'_Oh my God.'_

The messenger boy's eyes were fixed on Tenpou's towel and his jaw dropped.

'_Stupid little…keep looking at him like that and I'll castrate you.'_

Signing the document quickly, Tenpou pushed the boy's jaw back up and with an "it's not nice to stare," he went into his bedroom.

* * *

Author's notes: Um…sorry for this chapter taking so long. I hope to never take that long again, but if I do don't despair this will be continued. It wasn't that I couldn't think of ideas, it's that I had them since last chapter but I couldn't get them wrote down correctly. Anyway, thanks for the reviews, I love you all! And Lady Meru, thanks for the constructive criticism! I tried to fix it, but I can't promise you anything because I have a splitting headache & without a beta reader I bet I looked over some stuff. But if it isn't fixed, I'll try harder next chapter! About next chapter, I don't know exactly what I'm going to do. I might do a little more KenrenxTenpou & show how they got together & then go back to Gojyo. Either way, see you all next chapter. 


	7. A not so ordinary day

Kenren was tired. Tired of going out to bars & passing the time staring into his whisky glass and leaving only to go back to his room alone.

Tired of turning off the lights and throwing his clothes on the floor and laying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about how boring everything is.

'_Things that aren't boring…smoking…drinking…Tenpou…fighting…sex…sex with Tenpou? Yeah that certainly wouldn't be boring.' _

He laughed loudly, but the mental picture that showed up after brought a sound out of Kenren that was more akin to a moan.

Sighing, he rolled over and faced the wall.

Kenren was tired of people hushing when he walked by, catching curious glances, and being ridiculed for things that he wasn't even doing with his commander.

'_It's like…being cheated! I mean…usually I DO something and get caught, but this time I'm not even getting anything out of it.' _

He took a moment to imagine…

* * *

'Oy, Tenpou you in there?' Kenren knocked on the door and then tapped his fingers against the wood to a rhythm in his head.

…Still nothing.

"I'm coming in Tenpou," he said and he stepped in to find the room as usual, cluttered.

Carefully dodging the stacks of books he stood in front of the desk. Leaning against the side, he spotted a sleeping Tenpou lying down with an open book sitting on his chest and his glasses all a strew.

Chuckling, he kneeled down and blew in Tenpou's ear. Automatically Tenpou's hand came up to swat the annoyance.

He attempted to roll over and stretch out, but got a pile of books in his back and he cringed as he sat up.

Looking up drowsily, he noticed Kenren.

"Oh, it's you."

'_Thanks for making me feel welcome,' _he thought and frowned slightly.

Holding his hand out for Kenren, Tenpou smiled.

Helping Tenpou up, he patted the man on the back and then walked away. Turning back around he held his chin thoughtfully, and raised his eyebrow at the site of Tenpou.

"Tenpou…," he said quietly.

Cocking his head sideways and leaning against his hand Tenpou asked "What?"

"…Take off your pants."

Tenpou's eyes opened…unusually wide and he stared at Kenren in disbelief.

Searching Kenren's face he thought… _'…he's serious.' _

Forces meet Kenren's skin and he staggered backwards at the force of the punch.

Staring at the shadows on the wall he figured,_ '…that can't be the best way to confront him about my feelings.'_

* * *

Things were rather boring in heaven and to wish for anything exciting or uncommon would be pretty much useless. Kenren had been hoping (though he wasn't one for praying) that something, anything would happen and pull him out of this slump. This routine, the repetitive hum of everyday life. The presence of Tenpou in Kenren's life had made things better…more worthwhile but there was still something missing. Kenren couldn't quite place his finger on it, so he let it go. That wasn't the only problem with living a life such as his. One would assume that being a general in Heaven's Eastern Army would be more virtuous, you would be some kind of noble, valiant man with good manners and high hopes. One would walk about smiling and laughing and raising words of good will and luck to everyone. The truth of the matter is things didn't always work that way (to put it lightly), and heaven was infested with all kinds of 'shady' characters. Sometimes it felt like you should trust no one but yourself, and watch your back constantly, because otherwise you would get stabbed. After awhile, one gets used to it, but Kenren had certainly not moved past the stage of being annoyed by it. Rumors & talk went around heaven just like everywhere else, and if you didn't watch the people around you, or take care of the rumors when they showed up they could very well ruin your reputation. Maybe even ruin your career. Trying to 'stop' the rumors had only served to fuel the flame so to speak, so they had left well enough alone. Kenren had a feeling even in his situation, that things could be worse so he wasn't sweating it. It wouldn't help anything right? But still, once Kenren got over the initial amusement of some of the things that were told to him, he got annoyed.

_'Who wants to hear the same damn thing, all day, everyday?' _he thought as he switched the stack of papers he was carrying into his other hand while he opened the door. Swaying back and force across the room and through the stacks of books he placed the papers on Tenpou's desk...where Tenpou was currently sleeping.

"Well, well, this isn't something you see everyday. Not on the floor curled up with a book?"

Tenpou woke up quickly and seemed a bit embarrassed. He meekly smiled and pulled up his hand from behind the desk that was...holding a book.

Kenren just sighed and took a seat.

If there was one thing he could always count on to cheer him up, it was bringing up said rumors. Tenpou's reactions were always so fun to see, and Kenren never got tired of them. One day he might laugh, the next he might snap, and then he might just call them rude and go back to his reading or paperwork.

"So…" he started, "guess what I heard today?" Kenren asked with a big grin on his face.

Tenpou looked up at the ceiling and tried to look like he was concentrating hard; it didn't work very well this time.

"Me…giving you a blow job….under the table…at an important meeting." Tenpou answered cheerfully and smiled as if he was sure the answer was correct.

Kenren couldn't help but laugh and mumble "not quite" and then he leaned against the arm of his chair and said with a smile, "though it is a good idea."

Kenren wasn't usually (quite) this blunt with his comments or 'flirting' as you might call it but Tenpou was in good spirits so he figured he should take advantage of it.

"Why am I the one doing all the work?" Tenpou asked casually with a mock glare and leaned back in his chair.

"Hey!" Kenren said accusingly, "don't take that the wrong way. I'm a…fair guy. I would gladly reimburse you."

"Well, since we're supposedly doing this during an important meeting you would have to be silent."

Kenren looked almost hurt. "Are you saying that I couldn't be quiet if I had to?"

"I said no such thing. But…there are some things that are impossible, and there's no use fighting the inevitable." Tenpou said matter of factually.

Kenren held up a finger and cleared his throat.

"Which reminds me of what I heard today."

"I'm listening." Tenpou replied.

"Gensui can apparently do wonderful things with his mouth."

Raising his eyebrow, Tenpou's reply was, "Is that so? And how would these people know in the first place? It's rather inconceivable when you think about it."

Raising his hands, Kenren stated "It's not like I was the one to say it, or I believe them. Well…" he was silent for a moment and then he continued, "not like I believe they would know from experience but it's not like I would throw away the idea altogether either."

Kenren noticed that the edges of Tenpou's lips curled up slightly, but he didn't seem near as amused as he did earlier.

'_Is it because we're dabbling in something that shouldn't be messed with? Is it that you can't follow through with any of this?'_

Kenren was a brave man. He didn't back down from things as a rule and he wasn't afraid of the way other people thought or felt about him.

…No one but Tenpou.

Tenpou was the one person that Kenren's palms sometimes would sweat around, or would make him nervous. Even those were rare occasions, but he couldn't deny that he was a bit unsure in this situation.

Things weren't always so clear with Tenpou, and he wasn't completely certain of where he stood. Any other day, Kenren would have stopped right then, moved on into 'safer ground,' but not today.

Today he was on a winning streak, and he wasn't going to let that go.

Leaning forward, Kenren stared at the ground then brought his gaze to Tenpou.

"Let's stop playing games."

Tenpou didn't even stop to collect his thoughts this time.

"I don't play games Kenren," Tenpou said as he stalked up to him. His eyes were ablaze with vivacity.

Leaning toward him, Tenpou put his finger to Kenren's lips and whispered "But…I have the feeling that if we were, I would be winning now."

With Tenpou in such close proximity, Kenren had trouble forming any coherent thoughts.

So he just did the first thing that came to mind, he pushed Tenpou on the desk.

'_Maybe this isn't the best way to go about this, but I don't give a fuck.' _He thought as he gazed into Tenpou's eyes momentarily, then surged forward catching the other mans lips hungrily, and running his hand through his hair.

Their tongues fought for dominance, it seemed neither of them was used to being submissive.

Tenpou moaned deeply at the ministrations, and broke the kiss turning his head to the side and panting.

Smirking and putting his hands on Tenpou's hips, he asked mockingly; "Do you still think you're ahead?"

Tenpou's eyes narrowed and he grabbed the chains on Kenren's suit, pulling him closer.

"Maybe not at the moment, but you won't be winning for long."

* * *

Gojyo shot forward in bed, the sheets pooling around his waist as he clutched the covers tightly. He was sweating awfully hard.

'_What in the hell is going on here?' _

He sat there, staring at the wall until a certain realization came upon him. The people in his dreams, Kenren and Tenpou…Homura's party had called them those names.

'_Was that…real? Sometime…long ago.' _

His heart rate was not going down.

'_The best sex of my life…and it might have been several hundred years ago…if at all.' _

* * *

Author's notes: This chapter was basically just fun, and I don't know, I guess this time I just wanted it to be that. And not really serious or anything like some of the other chapters, I wanted to make it more cheerful. So, I hope everyone likes it. It was a lot of fun writing it, but next chapter we will go back to Gojyo & Hakkai.

From now on, I'm going to respond to reviews here. I don't know why I didn't think about it before!

Attigah Gensui- Lol, yes that was me that sent you the e-mail. I'm glad you got it! Anyway, thanks for the constructive criticism, I'll try to work on it. Other than that, I adore KenrenxTenpou & love reading about them; there is a great lack of fics staring them. I'm glad you enjoy the story; I really wasn't expecting people too. Thanks for adding me to your favorites too, it came as a surprise. A wonderful one at that.

Mif-chan- Aww, I'm glad I made you happy! That's the reason I write anyway, even if I'm not always sure about my abilities if I can please other people with it, then it's worth it. Thanks for always reviewing, I appreciate it and always look forward to your next one!

Shellyraeleen- I seriously didn't think my chapters were getting better as I go, but I'm really glad that you think so. I also take it as a great compliment that you like the way I wrote Hakkai, that's one of the best you can get! I'm glad you like it! XD

altered carbon- Lol, okay that's it for Kenren & Tenpou so next chapter we'll be getting back to Hakkai & Gojyo. Sorry it took so long! I know it's a bit weird to stay away for so long but I just…I couldn't help it XD Glad you like the fic!

Render Hellsing- Lol, you know what? I had no idea that I wrote Hakkai's eyes were blue in the first chapter. I refer to that so many times in every one of my fics, & I didn't even know I made that mistake! XD I'll have to go back & change it soon. Anyway…please don't threaten me with the pouty puppy face…it's my weak-ness! You reviewed at a funny time; I was writing the next chapter as you did so. Glad you like it!

Once again, thanks for all the reviews and please keep it up! Not sure when the next chapter will be, but I'll try not to make it too long.


	8. Smile like you mean it

"Sanzo, what does Gojyo see in Hakkai that he doesn't see in all those girls?"

Sanzo was annoyed. First Goku came to his room complaining he couldn't sleep, & when he FINALLY was about to go to sleep, he starts asking him stupid questions.

_'Great, this is really my night.' _

"Goku?"

"Yea Sanzo?" Goku asked eagerly. "Stay on your side of the bed saru," Sanzo barked.

"God you don't have to be so rude about it," Goku said hurt. Sanzo almost growled.

"He sees something he's always wanted, but never hoped to find."

Goku leaned on his arm, looking at Sanzo in confusion. "What?" he asked.

Taking a brief look at Goku he sighed, & told him to go to sleep.

"One day, you might find it too."

* * *

'…_Well…that was…definitely the most…unforgettable dream I've ever had._'

Gojyo rolled over again, & sighed deeply. How was one supposed to sleep after that?

'_Was it…real? I could have just…remembered those name mentioned by Homura & my feelings for Hakkai could have brought on those images. But…I don't know, it felt like…very old memories._'

Closing his eyes & laying still for a few minutes made Gojyo well aware that there was no helping his sleeping situation tonight.

'_Maybe I should go see Hakkai?_'

He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, '_what's the point of that though now? I usually go to him when I want to talk about my problems but…this time he's part of it._'

Realizing the mistake he had made, he corrected himself. '_Hakkai a problem? That's insane…if anything he's the solution. And if I don't have Hakkai, I don't have anyone. He's always there to listen…no matter what. It is kind of late though…_'

He stared at the door for a few moments and sighed before picking up his shirt and slipping it on and stepping into his shoes. He silently opened the door and walked over to Hakkai's room. Facing the door he took a moment to wonder how he should go about it.

'_He's probably sleeping…_' he shaked his head and took a deep breath. Putting his hand on the door he hit his head against it several times lightly before pushing himself backward and turning back around.

"Is someone there?" Hakkai's delicate voice rang out, and Gojyo gritted his teeth at the sound.

'_Good going Gojyo!_'

The door opened slightly and a pair of green eyes poked out.

"Oh…hello," Hakkai greeted.

'_Gojyo…you never leave me alone do you? Even when I'm alone, you still haunt my thoughts. It would almost seem that isn't enough for you…but unconsciously on your part. …It's isn't enough for me either._'

"Is everything alright Gojyo?" he asked as he motioned for the red haired man to enter.

"I just…I couldn't sleep." He explained as he took a chair out of the corner and sat it by the bed before sitting down himself.

Hakkai moved over and sat down on the bed facing him, his hands cupped together in his lap, eyes staring at the floor.

"Why?" Hakkai asked, but there was little consciousness in it.

"You're like…a breath of fresh air. Things aren't quite as dull with you around." Tenpou admitted leaning forward, resting his cheek on his fist. Turning his gaze back to Kenren, he smiled and Kenren knew that he meant it.

"I had these…weird dreams. About our past lives." Hakkai's gaze shot up shocked. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, Gojyo continued.

"We were…so different…but still the same underneath."

He could remember Tenpou getting extremely angry at Kenren for doing something reckless, but quickly letting his worrisome nature take over and his fierce determination fade.

"I was…happy," he said in a tone that carried significance and Hakkai was confused.

Trying to muster what exactly Gojyo meant by that, he retorted casually with a lazy smile "Were there swarms of beautiful women catering to your every whim?"

Gojyo leaned back and laughed, but he couldn't help but think to himself '_not quite._'

"I was…a one women man," he explained as he continued.

Gojyo thought Hakkai was going to fall out of his chair, but he noticed that he caught himself beforehand and laughed nervously.

He couldn't stop himself from giving Gojyo an 'I'll believe it when I see it' type of look. Gojyo didn't settle down, and he wasn't content with a 'relationship.' Gojyo's life was filled with lust filled nights and curious glances in smoky dim lighted bars. Imagining it any other way was…unnatural.

Gojyo could imagine the look the Tenpou in his dreams would have given him at being referred to as a woman. He shivered slightly at the thought.

"Are you cold Gojyo?" Hakkai asked intuitively.

"I'm fine," was the reply.

He sat there silent for a minute, before continuing.

"As weird as it sounds, I was content with the way things were."

"I wonder…why you had such strange dreams." Hakkai asked thoughtfully.

"Hell if I know…but they didn't really feel like dreams…they felt like memories."

'_I wonder…if they could possibly be true. And if they were true at some time…why was I the only one to have them?_'

"I'm sure it's nothing you should worry about Gojyo," Hakkai stated in a comforting way.

'_That's not the point. Those…dreams just reinforced everything I feel for you. I know that I could be happy with you…if you would only let me._' Gojyo sighed and leaned forward, staring at the floor. Glancing around the room, he noticed a book open on the dresser. Hakkai must have not been able to sleep…

He glanced back at his friend and for the first time he really noticed just how tired Hakkai looked. He felt the urge to just…grab him and hold him but knew that probably wasn't a very smart thing to do.

'_I want to tell him about my feelings but…I'm not so sure I'm ready. I'm not so sure he's ready._' He looked up and noticed that his friend was staring at him intently, but he quickly looked away and his features were flooded with casual-ness a second later.

'_I'll wait a while…this probably isn't the best time._' But something in the back of Gojyo's head screamed '_if you wait, you'll never tell him!_'

'_Bah…of course I will!_' He thought with a snap…'_wait was I just snapping at myself? ….Anyway…if I don't then it's probably not meant to be._' Funny how Gojyo didn't believe in fate until he needed to blame something on it.

* * *

Hakkai was fighting his own personal battle. He clinched the sheets tightly, angry with himself.

'_I owe Gojyo everything…he saved my life, he even gave me a reason to live. And what have a done for him? I could at least be more sympathetic, but instead I'm pulling away in fear of my own feelings. I don't want to get any closer to him…it's too hard the way things are._'

Hakkai didn't understand exactly how he had got himself into this situation. A caring friend turned into something more and after awhile it was obvious to him that he couldn't deny the feeling he had for Gojyo to himself any longer. '_I shouldn't want anything from him…especially something that I know he can't give me. I don't want to lose what we have…and I would never risk the best thing that ever happened to me on my personal feelings._'

Gojyo momentarily backed out of his inner thoughts, a confused look on his face.

He stood up slowly, and made his way over to Hakkai, taking a seat beside him on the bed.

Hakkai's heart was racing, why couldn't Gojyo stay back? '_It's almost…like he's torturing me without knowing it. But I guess it is my fault…my fault for falling for someone so untouchable._'

"You don't look so great Hakkai, are you alright?"

Gojyo thought Hakkai looked slightly nervous, but the other was doing a good job of hiding it.

'_Why just good Hakkai? You're usually a lot harder to read than this…did you figure out my secret?_'

"It hurts to hear you say that Gojyo, you know how I pride myself on my appearance." Hakkai stated sarcastically and Gojyo just stared back at him slightly deterred.

"Well…you just look tired, like you have a lot on your mind maybe. If it helps, you still look better than half of the girls I've slept with," Gojyo said with a soft smile. '_All of the girls I've slept with,_' Gojyo thought gravely.

Hakkai gave a skeptical laugh, and then made an effort to make Gojyo drop the current topic.

"I'm fine; I just didn't sleep last night."

"Or tonight either?" Gojyo asked firmly, pushing the topic forward.

"I noticed your book open over there earlier," he said while motioning toward it with a tilt of the head in its direction.

Hakkai's smile seems to falter a bit, and though by now Gojyo could tell it wasn't real Hakkai refused to let it slip from his face.

"No, though I have no idea why." Hakkai lied.

Gojyo leaned forward, turning his head to look at his friend, studying his face.

He wasn't sure why he couldn't resist at the moment but...he leaned closer to Hakkai tracing his lips with his finger for a moment before moving and bringing the corner of Hakkai's lips up to form an even greater smile.

"I don't like it when you smile like this...it looks so fake compared to when you actually mean it."

Gojyo's eyes softened, and a look of compassion turned into something else...something unexpected.

Hakkai didn't even try to hide the look of bewilderment on his face as Gojyo's fingers moved to caress the side of his face gently, and he didn't try to hide the space he put between himself and Gojyo so that he was no longer touching him.

Gojyo looked confused, almost like he didn't even realize what he had just done, and he moved his hands to his side quickly.

"...Gojyo...I'm rather tired...would you mind leaving so I can try to get some sleep?" Hakkai said callously, and he wouldn't meet Gojyo's eyes.

"Yeah...of course. Seeya in the morning," Gojyo said hesitantly and left the room.

Hakkai touched his cheek gently, remembering how Gojyo's fingers had felt ; before he lay down and stared at the wall, tears running down his face.

* * *

Author's notes: This chapter was horrible to write, that's one reason it took so long & I'm sorry about that. I didn't have trouble thinking up ideas but I had trouble writing them down so my writing this chapter frankly sucks. I hope it will be better before next chapter. Also, I know this fic is nearing its end because I just can't push the 'inevitable' off to much longer. I think I have one or two more chapters to go...but that's it. I'm going to try not to rush it either because I want it to be as good as I can make it. I wouldn't want you all to read this far & then hate the ending --So thank you all for being so kind & hospitable, I'll do my best. ...And I'll just mention again that reviews make me feel warm & fuzzy inside.

Lady Meru- Thanks for being honest! Not everyone likes the same pairings & that's fine, but I'm glad you've liked the story so far

Attigah Gensui- I'm glad it gave you giggles And...it was hard to move on from the KenTen because I love them both so much...but it had to be done. Maybe one day I'll write a story starring them. xhugsx Please don't cry XD

Luthia- I thank you so much for the compliment! It makes me feel good to know that my portrayal of Gojyo & Hakkai doesn't seem too whacked out. Lol...the length thing wasn't too bad XD And you shouldn't have to be tortured for too much longer...

Shellyraeleen- Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Sorry it took so long! I hope it was worth the wait...

Mif-chan- Hehe...I used to spend hours a day on I'm really glad you liked it. It was so much fun to write!

Render Hellsing Zero- XD Thanks!

thekatgrl- Yes, you can't die yet! The fic isn't over & anyway you should live a long full live (full of GojyoxHakkai too XD) xgives Tenpou plushiex He is a wonderful character isn't he? I adore him. This was my first time writing Tenpou & Kenren so I was a bit uncertain about the result but I'm glad you enjoyed it.


	9. Revalations and a Predicament

Closing the door behind him gently, Gojyo put his head in his hands and sighed deeply.

'_What in the hell is wrong with me?_'

His feet felt heavy under him, almost as if there were weights strapped to them and he drudged along the hall as well as he could.

'_I didn't even realize what I was doing…I didn't even think about it._'

Following the path his feet lead him to the bar below the inn instinctively.

'_Might as well get myself drunk, and cringe over how stupid I am._'

Taking a seat he asked the bartender for a drink and laid his head down on the cold bar.

'_Wow…you do that pretty often don't you Gojyo. Not think. It seems you can't stop doing that._'

With a clink the glass was set down, & the bartender asked sympathetically "tough one?"

Gojyo stared into the glass & managed to mutter "you could say that."

Gojyo let the hustle & bustle of the world around him fade away as he sat there, his mind roaming, searching for answers to something he was fairly sure he would never find, pulling his head up occasionally only to take a sip of his drink.

'_It was rather sudden…how was he supposed to act? I didn't really give him many options. I'm sure Hakkai would never want to hurt my feelings. He was just trying to let me down nicely. I can't blame him for that. He was probably…shocked, & confused. He did the best he could do regarding the situation. I should have at least explained…I should have been more sensitive about it_.'

In the back of his mind, Gojyo wanted to believe that maybe Hakkai's compassion and understanding, even his uncomfortable nature with Gojyo's relationships with women, could be because Hakkai himself had feelings for him. But, Hakkai's reaction was the final answer, the obvious fact that his hopes were in vain, the loss of the faith he had desperately been clinging too.

'_I guess…it's time to let it go. Hakkai will always be special to me…always. He'll always be my best friend. And that will have to be enough._'

Looking back now, Gojyo found it impossible to believe how much his life has changed lately. How he had changed. Not all of it even recently…ever since Hakkai had come into his life there had been a huge difference.

'_I can't deny that even after I first meet Hakkai I stopped going out as much, and I lost a certain level of interest in my…activities._'

Not that many people had been able to notice the change, Gojyo had still gone out, and his dreadful reputation was still intact. But, even if some people on the outside didn't notice the changes, or just how big those changes were, Gojyo knew…Gojyo could feel that they were there. Even when he tried to deny that such a thing existed, he knew in the depths of his soul that he was only lying to himself. He had found something. Someone important enough to lose everything else for if need be, important enough to give up the lifestyle he had been living for so very long. Gojyo would never be the same, he couldn't. He had finally found what he wanted. What he had been wanting...had been looking for all along. And now…it was beyond his reach. With a frown, he threw his head back, draining the remaining liquid and savored the feeling it made as it passed down his throat.

* * *

'_I'm such an idiot…what have I done?_'

Hakkai didn't understand why he had pulled away…the thing he wanted most to happen did, and he let it slip through his very fingers.

'_I'm pathetic…my own conscious told me that it couldn't be true…that there was no way it was and I couldn't even see what was right in front of me until it was too late. And now Gojyo has the wrong impression._'

However, even though Hakkai had found Gojyo's actions shocking, that wasn't the only reason he had pulled back.

'_I'm making excuses…excuses because I'm scared…& I need them._'

What was he afraid of?

'_Gojyo…he isn't used to being with one person. I don't know how he would handle it._'

Storm clouds of doubt rolled over and over in his mind.

'_Is he even serious about this? He obviously wasn't quite himself, he was tried, worried…and maybe he just found me…appealing for a moment and made his move. He's certainly did that with other people before. Gojyo's hormones are really something after all…_'

But Hakkai could still remember the look in Gojyo's eyes; it told him he was loved. Gojyo loved him. Needed him.

The question popped up in the back of his head; somewhere his conscious was asking '_what are you so afraid of?_'

'_I…I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him. He's…everything to me. And if this doesn't work out…then things will never be the same._'

A certain line he had read once in one of his many books screamed out, 'but some changes are good.'

He breathed in heavily, gasping, willing the tears to stop falling.

'_This isn't doing you any good. It doesn't resolve anything, and you have no right to sit here crying. Gojyo must feel awful…_'

It was almost unbelievable to think that Gojyo actually returned his feelings, the feelings he had hoped…had wished for so long to be returned. It was almost an impossible notion.

'_I don't know what Gojyo see's in me but…_' he sniffed and the makings of a smile started to creep onto his features. '_I will not let him down this time._'

* * *

"Hello handsome." Gojyo cringed immediately. Why couldn't he just be left alone to drown in his sorrows?

He turned around to see a pretty blond come sauntering over, throwing a sensuous smile his way.

'_I so don't need this right now._' He rolled his eyes and cleared his throat, ready to do what had to be done.

"You look so lonely, I thought you might like some company," the women said as she slipped onto the stool next to his, calling the bartender over.

'_...How many times I've used a line similar to that..._'

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I don't need any company sweetheart."

She leaned closer, taking the drink that was placed in front of her & using her perfectly manicured finger to swirl it around.

"Well...I do. And you look like just the man to give it to me."

Gojyo had to muffle the need to laugh. "If you would have asked me before...a few months ago maybe, I would have accepted you're offer. But not now."

'_If you would have asked me then, you would have been exactly what I was looking for._'

A look of distaste crossed her features, & Gojyo couldn't help but think she's not all that pretty after all. '_I have a feeling she frowns a lot more than she smiles..._'

"Why not?" the women pressed, and Gojyo knew that she was probably not leaving without a good explanation.

'_Even if he doesn't feel the same, I can't do this anymore...I can't fool myself any longer._'

"I have something that's more important than this...and I don't want to..." he stopped for a moment to conjure up a fitting way to phrase it, "be a part of those kinds of activities any longer."

After it was out Gojyo clearly regretted it. '_Well that was horrible. I didn't even sound like myself. Remind me to never try talking smart again._'

The women seemed just a bit intrigued by Gojyo's words and asked, "A person?"

Gojyo didn't feel like discussing it, but thought it best to tell her so she would move on.

"Yea, so you're just wasting you're time sweetheart."

She looked offended, but continued, "It doesn't have to mean anything."

Was that supposed to help her cause?

'_No…it doesn't…it never has._'

And as if finishing his thought, he told her, "And it never could with you."

Her nose scrunched up angrily and she spat out "were you even listening to what I just said? I know you're kind, I see them wonder through all the time. Even if I don't know you personally I can tell what you are."

'_...Yea...definitely should have just gone back to my room._'

"What I used to be honey, I'm trying to change that. Is it so wrong to want to change you're ways?" Gojyo inquired with a smile.

Ignoring the question, she asked "What does she have that I don't?"

'_Well..._'

"First of all, green eyes. I hate to sound...superficial but the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen. Next, smarts."

Her eyes went wide.

"Not to say that you're stupid...but you'd have to be a genius to measure up."

She bit her lip in aggravation.

"You don't seem much like the caring & compassionate type either."

Her frown was getting worse.

"Not that I'm saying you aren't its just...you would have to be a saint to be any nicer."

"Is that all?" she retorted.

"Well I didn't mention it but...could you grow a penis? That would make you a little closer."

"You've got to be kidding me," she said dryly.

"Oh believe me, I wouldn't joke about this. I've dealt with women before...men…no. It's going to take some getting used to, but hey sometimes things just don't work out the way you would originally imagine. Plus, you know his personality is so different. He's shy...reserved, but you, it's like you have a sign saying 'insert here' " and Gojyo pointed to said area before finishing "It's nothing personal, you should understand that by now."

Looking past him, the women seemed to catch something that greatly interested her, because she smiled devilishly & leaned closer, grabbing Gojyo's hand moving it up her thigh before he had a chance to stop her.

He heard the sound of a glass shattering, and he turned around to see a bewildered Hakkai standing there, arm out, clasping only air staring at his...predicament.

Gojyo got up quickly, and used his long limbs to try and cut the distance between them but with one look back Hakkai was already up the stairs, down the hall, and shutting the door to his room.

'_How did it come to this..._' he wondered as he placed his hands on the door, saying loud enough so he figured Hakkai could hear him "It's not what you think, I can explain."

And though Gojyo knew it to be true...even to himself it didn't sound right and Gojyo was sure that it couldn't to Hakkai either. He had seen the look in Hakkai's eyes...and he could almost feel the heartbreak.

* * *

Author's notes: Sorry this chapter took so very long but I had a little thing called writer's block. It sucks, it really does. So I forced myself to write yesterday & this is what happened. Hope it doesn't suck too bad. Next chapter is probably the last chapter. But we'll see...after that I might decide to do a sequel sometime...if I can think of anything. But I'll keep writing GojyoxHakkai for sure either way. Love you all! You make my day so much brighter, & boost my confidence. It really helps me want to continue for you all, as well as myself.

Miffy-chan- Awww...I luff you're comments so much XD I'm glad you continue to like my efforts, & yes...sad Hakkai makes me sad also but he will be happy soon! I promise.

altered carbon- If I could put off ending this fic forever I definitely would! Lol...I've had a lot of fun writing it & reading all the lovely reviews. I'm glad you like it; hopefully we'll see some more sweet-ness before this concludes.

Shellyraeleen- HAHA...I know the feeling XD -was warm & fuzzy thinking about this chapter until it went to hell - Hope you like it though!

Raye-Raye- Thank you so much! I'm glad you've enjoyed it. About Sanzo & Goku...well I hope you noticed the few things I put in a few of the chapters I really wanted to make it seem like maybe there could be something coming close to the surface between those two & before this fic is over I would like to have another scene between them.

Attigah Gensui- ... Well I'll have to say I never was that good at Science so pardon me XD But I know last chapter was too draggy, I wanted to end it before that but it didn't want me too. And you can't argue with the fic I didn't mean that it was certain I would write a fic with Tenpou & Kenren, but, I would love too if I get some more ideas.

narrizan- Hehe, Tenpou is a very interesting man. He is very cunning & manipulative as you said. Though, while he was aware of Kenren's feelings beforehand, he just waited until...the opportune moment I suppose XD Thanks!

Yaoi-Gurls- Well...it wasn't soon & I apologize, but I hope you continue to like it. Thanks!

Luthia- LOL...well you don't have any stories up so I can't tell! I'm sure you're writing isn't as bad as you say it is. I'm just insecure, hehe. And hey, writing & brilliant should not be addressed to me if in the same sentence But I'm very glad you like it.

ForeverDreamerSakura- It's taken me awhile but hopefully it was worth the wait! Thanks, I so don't deserve an awesome but I'll take it gladly nonetheless!

Dr. Zypher- Definite style? I never expected anyone to say that XD Thanks so much for you're nice comment. I'll take you're advice to heart; I know I have a lot to work on.

Illusion Of A Lunatic- Lol...yes yes I am. I couldn't abandon this fic, I've put too much in it Hope you like.

Seiya Yaboshi- LOL, another brilliant! I am so undeserving of that kind of praise, but I thank you! I'll try to update faster next time...& not sound so negative!

Lae Lae- I guess I'm an angst addict. Lol, but I'm glad you like the fic & the pairing I can't think of a pairing I love more so it makes me happy that people think I write it well XD


	10. Fixation on fixing the broken

NOTE: I don't know how many people read the author's notes, but I encourage everyone to read them this time. I have something I want everyone to read.

* * *

Hakkai was gasping, shaking, not wanting to believe what his eyes had seen.

He felt betrayed.

It was like his insides had been turned the wrong way out.

Like a small piece of himself had hardened and crumbled into pieces, never to be put back together again.

Gojyo stood outside Hakkai's door, trying to sound normal, not rushed or urgent.

_'He'll just think that you're trying to give an excuse because you were caught in the act.' _

And Gojyo didn't know how many times he had done appalling things to women, or been sly and interested one day only to appear uninterested the next.

But this time, this time it was serious.

When he finally was trying to do things right, fate decided to kick him in the balls.

"Let me explain, you took it the wrong way Hakkai," he said trying to put as much sincerity into his voice as he could though he felt the anxiety drawing up from his soul.

Hakkai gazed at the door his vision blurring, and through the pain he somehow managed to force the words "There's nothing to explain now Gojyo," out in what was almost a whisper.

Leaning forward his head resting against the rough texture of the door, Gojyo just managed to hear Hakkai's reply. And even though he had to strain to hear the words, the effect they had on him was not lacking and he jerked away as if hit.

_'There has to be some way to fix this...there has to be.' _

As the thought echoed in his mind he still couldn't force himself to put much faith in them.

"I...I thought you didn't return my feelings. And all of a sudden there you are...as if you had a damn good reason to be there."

Gojyo tried to add a bit more confidence into his voice in an attempt to make Hakkai take what he was saying more seriously.

_'If I'm stuttering it's not going to help.'_

"Like you were a man on a mission," he was silent for a moment, the wheels in his head turning over.

"You were going to tell me that you felt something for me...weren't you?" Gojyo finished crestfallenly.

There was no longer a doubt in his mind why Hakkai had shown up.

_'Just go away Gojyo...at least do that for me.' _

"It doesn't matter now what I was going to say," Hakkai stated with as much self-assurance as he could.

He was too tired... just too tired to even attempt to lie.

_'It will never matter what I was going to say. But it should have.'_

"...I have nothing else to say to you Gojyo," Hakkai finished as he slumped down into the covers, pulling them over his slim form and grabbing a nearby pillow.

The words hit Gojyo like a brick; they momentarily knocked the wind out of him.

And all alone in his room, Hakkai tried to smile, just a little bit.

Even though no one was in his presence, though no one could see him he knew he would feel safer...more comfortable if he could.

But the protective mask he called on so often wouldn't work this time, and he was left feeling lonely and vulnerable.

He smothered his tears into a pillow, allowing himself to at least hide the part of himself he didn't want others to see for awhile...just a little while.

No number of tears could rightfully describe the brutal onslaught to his emotions.

_'If only I wouldn't have pulled away...I would have been honest with Gojyo…this never would have happened.' _

Funny how as hurt as Hakkai was he still took part of the blame himself.

* * *

Gojyo could no longer move, his legs didn't obey the requests his mind gave them. How could he?

_'How can I leave Hakkai like this? I should be holding him now, comforting him. Telling him it was just a misunderstanding and I don't give a damn about any dumb whore who wouldn't even care enough to remember my name.'_

A hopeless desire to do something, anything crawled up into his being but he pushed it away, back to where it came.

_'I've done enough tonight,'_ he thinks.

Gojyo turned around, intent on returning to his room when he heard a sob come from Hakkai's room and looked back desperately, the sound shattering any bit of resolve he had left.

Not being able to take the sound any longer, he left silently and settled in the best he was able.

But sleep would not come, and he spent a restless night tossing and turning, an image of a crushed and broken Hakkai ever present in his mind.

* * *

Sighing deeply, straightening his back, and putting a smile on his face Hakkai looked in the mirror.

_'Have I ever looked so pathetically artificial?' _he asked himself menacingly.

Smoothing his brunette locks absently he thought firmly _'it's just going to have to be good enough.'  
_  
Opening his door he shut it behind him and took fast and precise steps down the stairs.

Making his way over to the serving area he spotted Sanzo and Goku having breakfast.

_'Okay so Goku's having breakfast...lots of it, while Sanzo reads the paper.' _

A rather familiar site, Hakkai just hoped that they would take his appearance the same way.

Nodding his head and giving a polite and proper "Hello," he took a seat across from Sanzo and sipped the cup of coffee the waitress handed him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sanzo gave Hakkai's appearance a once over and noticed that something seemed...out of place.

A sudden feeling of annoyance came over him and he could almost taste that the day was going to be hell.

Around his cigarette he managed to ask "Did you wake the idiotic cockroach up?"

Goku practically shoveled food into his mouth while watching the other two converse.

Hakkai suddenly found Goku's eating habits very fascinating.

Answering Sanzo somewhat unwillingly he smiled slightly but his eyes were distant.

"No, I'm afraid it slipped my mind."

Looking sweetly over at Goku he asked "Goku, could you do me a big favor and get Gojyo up?"

A confused look crossed Goku's face and he started "but you always," but before he had time to finish Hakkai looked over at Sanzo, his gaze piercing and heavy and catched his attention, wordlessly begging, pleading.

Sanzo raised an eyebrow but his sharp voice cut off Goku's words as he told him gruffly "Goku now you lazy gluttonous monkey."

Goku looked annoyingly over at Sanzo, "you don't have to be such an asshole."

_'Actually I do,'_ Sanzo thought with a bit of a laugh and watched as the boy got up and ran off towards the stairs stuffing a meat bun in his mouth while grumbling.

* * *

While looking out the window, Gojyo heard a rapid knock on the door.

_'Hakkai must not want anything to do with me. He must want to make this as quick as possible so he won't have to look at my face' _Gojyo deliberated heartbrokenly.

_'There has to be a way to save this...if he won't listen to me then...I'll just try to show him.' _

Gojyo thought with a bit of a renewed muster of determination.

Getting up and standing tall, he walked over to the door.

At the last second a feeling of overwhelming anxiety almost brought him to his knees.

_'Just be calm...just do it. It might be the only chance you have...just take it.' _

Closing his eyes tightly and opening the door, he slipped his arm around a warm waist pulling it closer.

Things didn't quite go as planned.

"AHHHH, PERVERT!" Goku screamed as loudly as possible as he jumped away.

For a moment Gojyo thought he had lost all hearing ability.

"You freaky bastard!" Goku spat out while rubbing his arms and shivering, backing away while he allowed his disgust to color his face.

"Next time you feel the need to molest the person waking you up make sure it's the right one!"

Gojyo slapped himself on the face in disbelief, took a deep breath and told him "will do, I wouldn't want to kiss you're ugly mug."

The disturbing incident behind them, they made their way down the stairs.

"Like you have room to talk," Goku said while spitting.

Forget the fact that Gojyo's mouth had not had the chance to come anywhere near him, it was still enough to give him nightmares.

"You're damn right I do," Gojyo assured, but when he reached the bottom of the stairs he stopped right in his tracks staring at Hakkai's back.

He was eating quietly and his head was down, eyes fixated on his plate.

Gojyo took a seat beside him and looked at him, studying his features the best he could with Hakkai's current position.

Putting his hand on Hakkai's arm, he whispered "can I talk to you...in private?"

But Hakkai just moved his arm away casually letting Gojyo's arm slide away, and continued eating, his eyes never even leaving his plate.

_'I won't be fooled again,' _he thought heatedly.

"I wasn't aware there was anything worth discussing," he tells Gojyo as politely as possible.

Sanzo's eyes skimmed the words on the paper but not one of them registered in his mind.

_'There's something different about the sound of his voice...a bit of an edge that isn't usually there,' _he realizes.

At that moment he knew that if he looked at Hakkai he would be smiling like usual and his stature would be pleasant, but his eyes...he was certain they wouldn't be filled with adoration like they so often were when Hakkai heard Gojyo's voice.

He was past that now.

_'Today is going to suck.'_ Sanzo mused in annoyance and stood up hastily, ordering everyone to the jeep.

Pulling a gold credit card out of his robes, he held it up to the waitress. As the others stared at him he snapped. "Now cretins!"

They went peacefully, Gojyo looking at Hakkai's form miserably.

* * *

Author's notes: I know I've said it a lot the last few chapters, but I'm sorry for being so late. To my credit, I've been without internet access for two weeks, so while I had all the ideas I didn't have a way to post it. I write weird…I just write down ideas, some things I want the characters to say, some things I want them to do, and an overview of what I want to happen…and well that's all. I piece all of that together, stretch it out, elaborate, and finish it up right before I post it. Basically I never finish it completely (and I write most of it)…once again right before I post it. I just can't do it any other way. So I finished the chapter up and posted it ASAP (I've been dying too since all the nice reviews are really getting to me) when I got my internet back. And I'm sure there are people out there screaming "what the hell" because I said this would be the last chapter, but I just couldn't fit everything into one chapter. So you get one more. And I'm pretty sure this time one more is all you'll get. Lol. But anyway, I have almost all of next chapter written so it shouldn't take as long to get posted (I hope). I really…well I hate the writing this chapter but I tried. And while I'm thinking about it, I'm going to start putting up my current update status on my userinfo page. Review please if you enjoyed it! You have a special folder in my email you know, that's how happy they make me XD

* * *

TsukiRei1- I've almost convinced myself with my writing that I can't make anything happy. Lol, I'll have to try & remedy that one day. I'm glad you like the story, thanks so much for reading & reviewing!

Shellyraeleen- Stupid girl yes, lol. I kind of made her a bitch at the last moment, but it needed to be done! I don't think I can write anything without a little angst in it; it likes to sneak itself in there.

Render Hellsing Zero- Lol, so am I. Those two are my favorite pairings. I'm glad you continue to read the fic!

Rachel- Thanks a lot! I appreciate you reviewing. I thought the first chapter was rather weak myself…but then again I think every chapter is weak. Glad you liked it!

narrizan- Lol, well I can't just tie everything up nicely at the end of the chapter can I? What fun would that be? Thanks, I'm delighted you like it enough to keep coming back!

lalala- Things just haven't gone nicely for Hakkai…well…this whole fic. But they will! I took longer than expected to update, so I'm sorry about that. But I hope you enjoy this chapter!

littlefreeze- It's okay, I'm lazy too. Lol, but thank you so much for reviewing! I enjoy them tremendously. You can never have too many reviews; every one is special in its own way, hehe. And well…as it would seem this isn't the last chapter. But I'm hoping I don't screw it up when it comes around next time.

kakasidiot- I LOVE Kakashi. Okay, just had to say that. But thanks a lot for the nice compliment! I know I'll never be able to write the characters like Minekura, but I do my best. And I'm especially glad you liked the Tenpou/Kenren stuff, this was my first time writing them.

Karone Richardson- I'm surprised that so many people are reading it & liking it! But yes, that girl is very much a bitch. And…well my stories usually have happy endings. Not every one, but usually. And believe me, this one will. Lol, I try not to be mean but I can't help it sometimes. And I'm glad you like the Tenpou/Kenren stuff because I added it in kind of…on a whim. I couldn't resist! I liked the idea of Sanzo having to step in & help even if he didn't want to, hehe. Thank you so much!

Attigah Gensui- Wow I actually made you laugh! That's awesome XD I didn't think it was that amusing. But I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Sorry it took so long, but I hope it's worth the wait!

Kelly- Hehe, I can't believe people think I can write well. That makes me unbelievably happy. I'm just glad you liked it! I kind of liked the ending too…in my own way at least. Thanks for the nice comments!

Miffy-chan- It's no big deal! Don't worry about it XD We all have things to do and get busy at times. Hum…another lady? Interesting. She was basically a small last minute character so yeah…but he will be happy! Thanks for reviewing!

Hakkai-sama- Hehe, I'm glad you're so excited about it! And I apologize that this chapter took so long, but I didn't have a choice in the matter. I'm pleased you enjoyed the Tenpou and Kenren parts too, I wasn't so sure how they turned out but I'll take you're word for it that they weren't too bad XD Lol, and it's okay constructive criticism is welcomed. I actually do re-read before I post…several times. But I know I still miss things, especially when I really want to update quick & I get excited and my brain short-circuits. I'm a bit…well stunned that anyone would actually want my opinion, lol, but sure I'll be happy to read it. Thanks for the review!

Lady of Infinity- Lol, I'm so sorry! bows I know it took too long, but I have a reason… (aka read the author's notes) But I'm really glad you like my sense of humor, I try way to hard most the time. And you're right, it IS too angst, but it always creeps its way in no matter how hard I try. Listen to…each other & themselves I think….maybe even Sanzo (you'll see why next chapter). But anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it, & I hope you enjoy this chapter too.


	11. Full Circle

Okay, so this isn't a real chapter, I hope no one got excited. I don't like making excuses, but in my case I believe I at least am entitled to a few. Lol. I'm terribly sorry that this story isn't finished yet, I was planning to do so much earlier but things didn't turn out that way. First of all, if you've read the authors notes you would know that my modem has been changed two times in the past uh…I think it was 4 chapters (or maybe 3). That really messed me up being without internet. I did write some of this chapter then, but I'm afraid I had saved it in my online journal & had no way of reaching it so I didn't want to continue because I can't remember every part & didn't want to contradict myself. Well even when I did finally get my internet back, I had writers block. I didn't particularly care for anything I wrote & was stuck. Since then I've had some personal problems, one including a bit of depression, & I think everyone can understand that when you aren't feeling very cheerful you don't want to write the happy ending that I have for this story. I was afraid if I tried to write the happy ending I wanted (& I'm sure you want too by now considering all the damn angst I've added to this story) it would turn out horrible & I would disappoint you all. I would rather take longer to finish, than finish earlier & mess up everything I've worked for. If someone told me I would submit something I wrote & it would be liked (neither less well liked) I would have laughed in their face. So thank you, you don't know how much this means to me. Anyway, my brother was supposed to be married right now, and that kept our family busy preparing for it, but guess what! Hurricane Rita hit Texas (of course I live there). We had to evacuate & have been gone since it hit(about a month).We just arrived homeyesterday & have finally gotten back water, electricity, & phone service. We have some damage to our house, the trees off of our house have now been removed & most of the one's from the yard but now we must get the roof & inside of our house repaired. For anyone out there hit by hurricane Rita or Katrina I'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers. I'm lucky myself. But yeah, the whole point of this update is to let people know that I've alive (lol) & I have not forgotten this story or my other one. They will be continued & completed. As much as I hate my writing sometimes, I owe it to my readers & also myself to see them finished. Plus I miss writing; I only wish I had more time for it recently. My account is not dead, & I look forward to writing more Gojyo/Hakkai fics & hope you'll be there to read them. XD I sincerely hope to see you soon. (No this will not take another six months. Yes I'm serious!)

You get a preview though! Or a little bit of one First a note. What I have written so far is subject to change & actually will in some ways because well…this is just the basics, I don't even have too many details in yet. Okay, here we go.

* * *

"Sanzo, may I room with you tonight my friend?" Hakkai's beautiful eyes were hurt & Sanzo couldn't say no. "Makes no difference to me, one of you morons is as bad as the other." Sanzo said lazily as he puffed on his cigarette and held Hakkai's gaze for a moment.

Hakkai nodded and gazed fondly at him and was turning to follow Sanzo to their room but Gojyo raced over quickly and took Hakkai by the arm.

Hakkai: "Don't ask me again Gojyo. Just don't ask me for something that I would have give you with every fiber of my being so easily. I've moved past that now…I don't want anything from you, and I don't regret what happened."

'That's right, say it and maybe you'll mean it.'

Gojyo: I know that's a lie.  
Hakkai: What if it is Gojyo! What does it matter to you! If you don't care enough for me to keep your hands off & out of some females skirt than I can't have a relationship with you!

Gojyo was desperate now, his eyes wild and uncertain. "If you would just let me explain."  
Hakkai's eyes where fueled with a type of hurt anger that Gojyo had never seen before.

"Did you plan this out Gojyo! Did you think I would cast a blind eye to your activities," Hakkai spit out nastily. "Maybe you just thought that as long as I had what I wanted I wouldn't care who else you gave yourself too."

Gojyo looked dumbfounded, his eyes now closed tightly.

"Or maybe," Hakkai continued, "you just thought I wouldn't notice. Poor Hakkai, he's got the intellect of at least two of the Sanzo party combined and he won't notice something when you flaunt it in his face."

* * *

And later on…

* * *

Almost as he has something on his own mind Sanzo asks. "Do you think it's worth it? Everything you've been through. Even before things went to hell, was it worth all the trouble?"

Hakkai smiles sadly. "If you don't take the chance you might pass by some very important things. Gojyo saved me; he gave me another chance at life. When I didn't have a reason to live, he gave me one. Even though most of my hopes and dreams are tied to my feelings for him, he gave me a chance. He wanted me to have a chance or he obviously wouldn't have saved me. I...I finally figured out that it would be foolish to waste what he put so much effort to give me. Even if...he couldn't give me back anything more in return. I owned myself & him that much.

Sanzo is turned around reading the newspaper and Hakkai says "you aren't even looking at me."  
Sanzo: "Yes I am."  
Hakkai: "Not directly."  
Sanzo: "Are you going somewhere with this? If so just get to the point."  
Hakkai: "Maybe you just don't like looking people directly in the eyes...maybe because you're afraid of what you might see."  
Sanzo: "This isn't about me."  
Hakkai: "Isn't it? You're words leave me to believe differently. It seems to me that maybe you're doubting some of you're own decisions." Hakkai said quietly. And as Sanzo looked at him steadily he finished "or lack thereof."  
Sanzo: "My decisions are just that, mine. They don't concern you."  
Hakkai: "You know better than that Sanzo. Just a minute ago you were concerned about my own situation. Now you don't want me entering yours. If you have something you want to say or do...then it might be best to do just that other than avoiding it any longer. Because I have a feeling you have some unfinished business to take care of."

* * *

And no the whole Sanzo & Hakkai conversation has nothing to do with those two together in any way. Lol. 


End file.
